Please help...

[anoni]

I told myself I'd only make a rants and advice thread if I needed one, I'd only make it for super serious things and everything else goes in my journal... but this is super serious for me.

I've screwed up, I don't know what has happened, why I've done all this. Relationships, I was never into relationships but now I've screwed up because I'm into them now. [CharacterA] if you're reading this then first of all you didn't hurt me don't worry. So, yeah, you people on the forum will be like "what is going on?" and you will be like "this guys such a damn attention seeker" and yeah ok whatever. I've always liked this guy on the internet named homertime, but he's never considered for me to be in an emotional relationship, and then today I say that I want to be mates with this guy [CharacterA].

  But then I felt sad, I felt... depressed, i didn't know why, So I talked to [CharacterB] and he told me something that was very true. The reason I was with [CharacterA]  is because I saw things in him that homertime had, [CharacterA] , if you just read that I'm really sorry, but I think the only reason you liked me was because you opened up to me and I opened up to you, we have to ask ourselves whether the relationship was really one with romantic attachment, or just one with... I dunno, nothing. I'm so confused. So he tells me that as long as I keep thinking homertime will be in a relationship with me (and homertime if you're reading this please, please, please do not feel guilty about anything, none of this is your fault, it's entirely my own don't worry). So he tells me I have to stop thinking that me and homertime will get together one day.

  I've never been romantically attracted to anyone but one person, and all he did was have sex with me and when I told him my feelings he left and got a girlfriend. I've been wanting a boyfriend, someone to hold... someone to cuddle particularly (homertime do not feel sad or guilty it's ok), Now I've done something stupid, either way I go I'll be sad. If I stay with [CharacterA] , the relationship [might] not work, if I leave [CharacterA]  then I have no one for certain who likes me. If I stay with homertime then I might always pursue for a romantic relationship even though I might not get anything, and if I leave him I feel lost.

  He's just so perfect, in every way, every way, Homertime. Whatever I said before, it's no longer true. I... I love him and it takes a lot for me to say that, I never believed in love and I still have confusion about it but whatever love "could be" described as it would be with homertime. Everytime I talk to him he seems good, everytime I talk to him I become so happy. He even promised me he wouldn't read this, and he was being serious... he's so amazing... Leaving him, the idea just makes me want to die. I know so many people see that, I used to see someone say that and be so confused, like "meh, this guys over-reacting" but I swear to you, this feeling actually exists, it's real... I didn't think it would be. This is all on the internet, I don't know what to do.[CharacterA]  has had very bad relationships in the past and I don't want to make him think that relationships are always bad and that he will always end up hurting the person he is closest to. [CharacterA]  has done everything right, he has been so good, he is been amazing, but I just... don't feel the same way I do around him than I do around homertime. I'm so goddamn sorry [CharacterA] , I wish, I wish it wasn't like this...

  I don't know what to do, I dunno whether maybe one day I will feel feeling for [CharacterA] , I want to stay in there I don't want to cut things off with him entirely. If I can start feeling feelings for [CharacterA]  everything would be perfect, we'd have an awesome online relationship, we'd be doing RP, I might even visit America and we can get to know each other. I just don't know if it's possible. So [CharacterA], if you are reading this, I don't want to end things with you entirely, I just want put things on hold, maybe, I dunno With homertime, I really like him, I feel so warm and close when I talk to him, but I dunno, I feel sad that nothing will ever happen of this. I feel so trapped. I feel so lost and so depressed I can't stop crying right now.. .please... I don't know what to do...

Certain Information edited out to protect peoples identity

[legolyle]

well, Anoni, couple things. Its fine to say you love someone-as, its likely true you think you do. Putting them on a pedestal though, will probably make you feel worse =/
these situations, suck.
It sounds to me like you have such a good friend in homertime-but, I also know you're looking for more than that. Putting friends on pedestals is okay-they're friends but, if you have expectations for someone (sexual, or romantic) in your head-and they don't happen IRL. You could end up just getting hurt.

I think, this relationship with characterA, needs to stop. That's just my opinion. After reading all you've said here, that's my adamant opinion. I think...as a friend...and someone with an outside perspective-you BOTH have more fitting people to be with.

I think the person you actually have feelings for is homertime, (no offense characterA ), and its important to not let that affect your judgement. People tend to jump from one failed relationship straight to another easy-to-get-to-one. (per se)
Doing this works for some people, but, it can in the long run cause more problems than it solves.
If you're doing this because you're mirroring homertime onto characterA, you really wont feel that much better. It seems to me you are doing that here.

In high school, I...was in the same position as you. I found someone who I just...sort of fell for. Totally, head over heels. I let that get the best of me, just like your situation now. After it didn't work out, someone else showed me just a *bit* of attention and I jumped at it. It lasted all of about 3 weeks. I too, thought I wouldn't be able to live my life without that (first) person in it. Now, I don't even talk to her all that much, even though I still consider her a friend
It's important to realize, you CAN live your life without them. Not only can you live it, you can live it WELL.
I'm not saying, get rid of him, I'm saying, realize you *can*

In the end, the only thing that healed those wounds was time. Time always does. Not much else will.

If it will never work romantically between you and homertime, then, I think it important that you realize that now, and move on.

That way you leave yourself open for *new* opportunities. Not only that, but the sooner you accept this, the sooner you feel better.
You don't have to cut homertime out of your life, just, don't have false expectations.

you saying the idea of leaving him makes you want to die...well, Imagine your life without him. Would it be all that worse? Is it really worth it? I don't think it's that much worse. It cant be. You still have all your friends, you still have yourself, you still have your family, and you still have this awesome forum
more importantly, you still have the opportunity to find someone else!
Not all is lost is all I'm trying to say!
*hugs*
here if you need me

[Jyynx]

First, allow me to say I've been there and I share your once held "don't believe In love" all my friends call me a lone wolf for that account- but honestly what is happening is a part of life, drama, unfortunately will never leave us, and stuff will happen.  There's no right or wrong way to go about this, and what you do is completely up to you... Believe me, Ive also had the thoughts of someone to cuddle (I'm a soft on the inside guy ). But love and emotions are a painstaking part of life.... Ask yourself how long you've know character A. And remember it will always require a lot of time and patience to come across the right person, and take time to step back and look at yourself and others-  just allow your own beliefs to materialize, then take the dreaded leap of faith- there's always someone to catch you, even in a world so cruel.    *hugs*. Good luck

[anoni]

  Thanks Canadian wolf for the advice and thank you so much for everything you've done Legolyle, I'll always appreciate it!

  Last night I wasn't really thinking... everything kind of snapped at once, the realization that I loved homertime, the realization that I didn't love [CharacterA] and the realization that a relationship between me, homertime OR [CharacterA] would never work out. Realizing everything at once was, very hard, but now that feeling has subsided greatly. So I came home from school early and talked to [CharacterA] who had read this post and knew what I was going to say before I said, and he was completely fine with it. We decided to stay friends and for that I am forever grateful. I haven't talked to homertime yet and when I do I'll discuss things with him, he probably feels bad about this so I need to cheer him up. I wasn't thinking logically with that post (obviously) but that's ok, sometimes emotions get the better of you and it happens. I feel much better now that everything is back the way it was. though, the hardest thing is yet to come and another question presides.

  The hardest thing to come is not thinking of a romantic relationship with homertime. It's going to take a lot of practice and I don't want to completely disown him, I just have to find a way of not over-complicating things. This brings my to my next question.

  You say that it will never work out between me and homertime, but how do I know whether a relationship with someone will work out or not? Going to new opportunities could leave the exact same problem. The facts of the matter are there are no perfect relationships, there is no one who will be perfect that you will find. Even homertime would have some problems even if he did want to be in a relationship. The question is what is the limit of problems between partners that determines whether a relationship will work or not?

  I'm sorry for making that post about relationships, a lot of people get irritated by them, I know this from experience on other forums. A lot of people get mad because they wonder why people in relationships complain more than people who are not in relationships. It's strange, I don't know the answer to that question, but I'd like to publicly apologize to anyone who was irritated from my above post. thank you guys, I should be back to my happy old self in no time!

[legolyle]

  You say that it will never work out between me and homertime, but how do I know whether a relationship with someone will work out or not?  The question is what is the limit of problems between partners that determines whether a relationship will work or not?

What I actually said was "if it never works"
What defines when it doesn't work?
heh, well, in this case, I think it would be the lack of ability for the two of you to actually be involved romantically (more so sexually). You two have different expectations(you're gay, hes asexual), and holding out a *hope* that he will one day be sexually compatible...is...honestly, not that different from hoping one day a straight guy will turn gay for you. It just doesn't usually happen. Sexual compatibility is important for someone like you and I, it's actually pretty essential

  I'm sorry for making that post about relationships, a lot of people get irritated by them, I know this from experience on other forums. A lot of people get mad because they wonder why people in relationships complain more than people who are not in relationships. It's strange, I don't know the answer to that question, but I'd like to publicly apologize to anyone who was irritated from my above post. thank you guys, I should be back to my happy old self in no time!

again, these things...they come and go...and for the ones experiencing it, I know, it feels like the damned end of the world...but its important you see, its not! never is
honestly, that's probably one of the biggest things, people will experience all sorts of downing points in their lives, and, the only way to get over it, is to simple pick yourself up, and move on. Personally, at least, I've found that to be the best way. Don't ever let it get to you.

As for making the post, I wouldn't be apologizing, you could have done this so many other ways, and well, I think this was the best way. Whether or not some people out there don't like it, it doesn't matter-the reason they don't is because they likely have yet to know what this feels like. This is an important learning experience-you will learn a LOT about yourself, your expectations, your weaknesses, everything.
I know you'll feel better soon, and Ill make sure-ah' that ;P
just need to give it a little of that abstract element-time xD

[Jyynx]

Legolyle summed up pretty much what I was going to say- but you last paragraph stuck out to me- most of the grudgy people not in a relationship fail to realize the stress that the possibility of loosing someone you care about brings about- just wanted to through that out there and a coyote kiss goodnight (an old fable- explaining why coyotes howl at night, its there way of kissing goodnight- always loved that saying )

[Sigcutio]

Hey Anoni! Don't worry so much about being so open about this. Legolyle had it right. There were several ways you could have dealt with this and this seems to be better than blowing up on everyone else around you. To be honest, if it really bothers a person enough they can easily just click away and it's gone.


Also I'm glad you were able to find some help, Anoni. This really seems like a difficult situation and the first time I saw this I wasn't sure how to respond. Looks like you've found a pretty good friend in Legolyle though. Make sure you keep someone around who you can talk to and be honest with. Time can help heal the pain, but I think friends and other people you're close to can help you just as much.


In either case, relax Anoni. There's someone out there for you. Just give it some time