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Vampire friend... Then I can be a vampire!!!!!!! ...Why am I using so many exclamation points..?WYRHave your parents die in a fire and become orphans then go live with a mysterious actour count guy and nearly get killed by a train and then move in with a relative and he gets killed by the count but count frames a supposedly deadly viper then your baby sister proves him wrong 'n' then move in with a paranoid aunt and have her fake suicide and then have her get eaten by leeches then get married cuz count's a ^%$ and then have him arrested and have your whole life narrated by some guy whose first name is an adjective?ORHave your parents killed when you're a baby and survive the magicky thing he killed them with and then grow up to be abused then go to a magic school called WartHogs or somethin' and meet some nerdy girl and some orange haired %$% whose brother's are aweshomer than him and go through all this other %$&^ then fight Moldy Vort and beat him cuz you burn his face off 'n' stuff then wake up in a WartHogs' hospital with some old homosexual man standing above you eating your candy?