Jokes!

[Nimian]

Everyone post your best jokes! Let's try to keep it clean, please? (I.e., no swearing or sex jokes, but everything else is cool!) I'll start.

Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they would be bagels!

[Maine]

Here's a one liner for you;


My parents made me walk the as a child, we couldn't afford a dog.

[Cobalt Storm]

Guess ill post, but i warn you, im a punny pony,

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? hes all right now.

Im glad i learned sign language, its pretty handy.

There was this sign at a drug rehab center that read "keep off the grass"

To write with a broken pencil is pointless

Atheism is a non-prophet organization

A hole was found in the nudest camp's wall, and the police are looking into it

Atheists done solve exponential equations because they dont believe in higher powers.

The roundest night at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference


Alright alright, thats enough for now

[Nimian]

Those are all really good! And I love puns. Pffft, SIR circumference.

[Cobalt Storm]

Did you hear about the child musician who got run over? he is A-flat minor now.

[Nimian]

Oh, geez..... Did you hear that David lost his ID in Paris? Now we have to call him Dab.

[Maine]

How do mermaids give birth?

Sea- sections.....

[Nimian]

Hahaha! That reminds me....


Why did the little mermaid wear seashells?
'Cause she grew out of her B-Shells!

[EvilCorgi]

This entire thread is punbelievable.

[Rocoro T. Pup]

Knock knock.

whose there?

Lettuce.

Lettuce who.

Lettuce in its cold out here...

ahhhhahahaah

kill me

[Deleted Profile]

If airplanes exist, why don't waterplanes, fireplanes, and earthplanes exist? The eleplanes.

[sigols]

There was two friends out on a hunting trip, then one of the friends fall to the ground. He was pale and you could not see or hear any breathing from him. The other friend picked up his phone and called 911. "My friend is dead far off in the woods!" he said, and 911 responded "Easy now, first we have to be sure he is dead." There was a long silence, and then a loud boom echoed in the woods. And the hunter said "Done, now what more do I do?"

[Nobi]

A duck walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and asks, "got any grapes?"

"No," says the bartender. "We don't have any grapes."

A few minutes later, the duck comes back. "Got any grapes?" he asks again.

"I already told you," says the bartender. "We don't have any."

A few minutes pass, and the duck is back again. "Got any grapes?"

The bartender is starting to get annoyed. "No!" he says. "We don't have any grapes! If you ask me again, I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor!"

The duck returns a few minutes later. The bartender is about to kick him out when he asks, "Got any nails?"

"What? No!"

"Got any grapes?"

[BakaFawkes]

Have you seen the clown in the mall that hides from idiots? No, never mind. Do you want to hear a dirty joke? A fox fell in the mud and got dirty, haha. 

[Maine]

This one makes me so mad:

There are three men on a boat, five miles from land. They have four cigarettes, but no means of lighting them. How can they each have a smoke?

They throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a CIGARETTE LIGHTER.

e_e punz....