The Demon is inside, It can not escape
it's claw tears at my flesh
Ripping and Tearing, nothing like a caress
Tears run down my face, Hiding the pain behind a smile
Alone in the dark the Demon claws at my soul more
My soul depletes itself into a realm of black,
a dim light flickering, fading,evanescent.
one of the best short poems I've ever read
I do have a few little criticisms with the story
- Our main character is referred to as "The Fox" alot. Maybe name him or possibly change some of the "The Fox"s to he or him. He is our main character so we can identify with him quite easily and dont need to be reminded what he is so much.
- You spent quite alot of time describing his run in with the wolf and his walk to the Inn, then when he found the wolf, which should have been the climactic scene of the opening sequence we sort of skipped over it in 3 or 4 lines. Maybe a little more description of the room, surroundings, our main characters feelings, what happened to the wolf, would flesh it out a little and give it that "gut punch" sort of feel it should have.
- Description is a big thing in stories, to much and the reader gets bored and just reads on, muddling through to the end, not enough and you cant connect with anything in the story. If you get the balance right, leaving enough room for the readers imagination to take hold and help build the story in their own heads you get a story that you "just cant put down". Some paragraphs have too much description, some others have not enough you just need to find that happy middle ground.
(I always feel like such an ass writing these things -_-)
Overall very good story and look forward to reading more.
Topic: Some Poems And Maybe A Story (Read 19596 times)