advice: gender and sexuality (IMPORTANT UPDATE AT BOTTOM)

[oddi]

What's the difference between gender and sex? Aren't they the same thing?

Actually, they aren't. Sex and gender are actually very different. Your biological sex is just your plumbing, be it a hangy-downy or an inny-tubey, or some combination of the two. Gender, however, is your internal sense of femininity/masculinity. Some folk are born with a hangy-downy but are women. Others are born with an inny-tubey, but are men. The label for this is transgender, and the opposite (when you've got a hangy-downy and you're a man) is cisgender. However, gender isn't limited to man and women (these two are known as the gender binary). There are people who identify as a third gender, and some people don't even have a gender. It is common for non-cisgender people to choose names and pronouns for themselves to help them be more comfortable in their bodies. Do not immediately assume you know the gender of someone just by looking at them!


How come I've never heard any of this before?

That's hard to explain. You see, society does this thing where it presents these boxes it thinks you should fit perfectly in order to be socially 'acceptable'. Typically, if you don't fit in the gender-binary, you aren't considered normal. But you can't fit a square into a circle-shaped hole, can you? The general public knows next to nothing about the genderqueer community, and this often results in the bullying and abuse of non-cisgender people. This lack of information often leads to the erasure of queer people in the media. If you are being bullied or abused, please GET HELP! There's LGBTQ+ shelters all over the U.S. (and other countries too!)


What does LGBTQ+ mean?
It's an acronym for the non-cisgender, non-heterosexual community. The full acronym currently in use in most places is LGBTQIA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual), though it doesn't include every sexuality and gender. Another acronym slowly rising to popularity is the more inclusive QUILTBAGPIPE (Queer/Questioning, Undecided, Intersex, Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, Asexual, Gay, Pansexual, Indeterminate, Polyamorous, Everyone Else).


How many labels are there?

Well, that's the thing. There's a large number out there in use, but not all of them fit everyone. New labels come into play all the time as people find what works best for them. Some people even make up their own, and that is perfectly okay.


How do I know other people feel the same way I do?

Words are weird, okay? We can't always describe our internal sense of gender, and there's never any assurance that you'll be able to understand a person who uses the same label as you. However, just because you don't know anybody who feels as you do doesn't mean you're completely alone! The queer community is typically a warm and welcoming place.


I'm [insert gender here], but I'm attracted to [insert gender(s) here]. What am I?

Well, that's what this thread is for. I can't tell you for sure what you are, since I'm not you and I don't have the right to label you. Only you can label you. I'm just here to help you find one that fits.


I'm [insert gender here], but I'm attracted to [insert gender(s) here]. Except it's weird because I don't really want to do the frick-frack with that gender. I just want to date them.

Congratulations! You've discovered the distinction between romantic attraction and sexual attraction! Whereas sexual attraction is the desire to do sexual things with someone, romantic attraction is the desire to become romantically involved with someone. You don't have to be sexually attracted to a person in order to date them!


I am [insert gender & sexuality here], and my friend just came out to me as [insert sexuality here]! What if they want to do the frick-frack with me?


Just because your friend is interested in your gender does not mean they're attracted to you personally. Not all straight people are attracted to everyone of the opposite gender, right?


I will add more questions as I get them/remember them. But for now, have a list of the labels I'm familiar with! These might fit you, they might not.

• Heterosexual: Being sexually attracted to the opposite gender.
• Homosexual: Being sexually attracted to the same gender.
• Bisexual: Being sexually attracted to two genders (usually within the gender binary).
• Polysexual (sometimes known as Omnisexual): Being sexually attracted to two or more genders.
• Pansexual: Being sexually attracted to all genders. Sometimes called "gender blind".
• Demisexual: Being sexually attracted only to people you are emotionally close to.
• Asexual: Being incapable of experiencing sexual attraction to another gender.
• Gray Asexual: Rarely experiencing sexual attraction.

• Heteroromantic: Being romantically attracted to the opposite gender.
• Homoromantic: Being romantically attracted to the same gender.
• Biromantic: Being romantically attracted to two genders (usually within the gender binary)
• Polyromantic: Being romantically attracted to two or more genders.
• Panromantic: Being romantically attracted to all genders.
• Demiromantic: Being romantically attracted to someone only when you have an emotional connection with them.
• Aromantic: Being incapable of experiencing romantic attraction
• Gray-aromantic: Rarely experiencing romantic attraction.

• Agender: Having no internal sense of gender
• Cisgender: Having your internal sense of gender match your biological sex
• Transgender: Having your internal sense of gender be the opposite of your biological sex
• Bigender: Having the internal sense of being two genders (usually within the binary)
• Trigender: Having the internal sense of being three genders
• Third-Gender: Having the internal sense of being exclusively a non-binary gender
• Genderfluidity: Having your internal sense of gender change frequently (month to month, day to day, even hour to hour)
• Genderqueer: A blanket term for anyone who isn't cis-gender
• Two-Spirit: A Native American individual who fulfills one of many mixed gender roles in Native American society
• Intersex: Having the biological parts of both males and females (sometimes used as a gender identity)
• Intergender: Synonym for Genderqueer
• Queer: Shortened form of Genderqueer, sometimes used by itself as a gender identity, also sometimes used as a synonym for the LGBTQ+ community

Some sexualities have subsets, such as Demisexuality and Demiromanticism. Some people can only become sexually or romantically attracted to a certain gender/genders, so they will stick the 'Demi' prefix to another sexuality, such as heterosexual, producing the label demiheterosexuality.


Also, it should be noted that because romantic attraction and sexual attraction are not the same thing, it's becoming more common to use two words to define both attractions. For example, I am a demiromantic pansexual. I am sexually attracted to all genders, but I can only become romantically attracted to people I have connected with emotionally.

If this doesn't help, post your questions here! I will do my best to answer them.






RESOURCES

Resources for LGBTQIA Individuals & Allies

• GLSEN
• GayWrites

Resources for Trans* Individuals

• Trans Clothes Swap
• Binders101
• FTMguide
• The Gender Box
• Genderqueerd
• ProjectQueer
• A:gender (UK)
• The GENDER Book
• Genderology
• Androgyne 101
• Bigender
• The Gender Spectrum
• Genderqueer ID
• Explaining Genderqueer for Those Who Are Not

For a Laugh

• "ah, yes. my gender is blue with pink leg."
• coming out as bisexual on Facebook

To make you smile!

• 19th Century Queer Couples

UPDATE: THE "PRO-LGBTQ" GROUP FCKH8 DISCRIMINATES AGAINST ASEXUAL PEOPLE AND PANSEXUAL PEOPLE. They have made very hateful statements about pansexual & asexual people. Please do not support them and their message of hate! Instead, follow GLSEN!

[HyenaKing]

Born as intersex.
Aromanitc.
try me best to pretend.

[Eon_Guipagho]

Interesting post.  I have always been familiar with the LGBT community, but then you thew QUILTBAGPIPE and I laughed my ass off.  Not laughing at what it represents, but the acronym itself QUILT BAGPIPE!
I had to get that out of the way first, but in reading this article I have noticed a few people that have joined the site lately and they identified as Asexual, Polysexual, etc.  Terms I have never heard before now.  Some of them are clearly Bisexual based a dictionary definition, but to each his own on what they choose to identify as.  I also came to a realization about myself and my sexuality.  I had to change it after reading this post.  I had grown up a heterosexual male, but after reading this I have to identify as an Asexual(or possibly something else that's not listed or that can't be defined in just one sentence)  Somewhat of a combination of Pansexual, with a touch of Demisexual...IF that is even possible).  Of course, I think I identify that way now due to some life events that have taken place over the last few years and not so much of my doing, but based on what has happened in the last few weeks has made me question, 'WTF is wrong with me?'  My first answer was 'age'.  After that it quickly devolved into, 'I don't know'.  Quite honestly I don't know what I identify as anymore.  I could stick with the heterosexual male thing as that's what it used to be until that realization a few weeks ago and then again that realization knowing that there is more than just LGBT 10min ago while reading this post.

[anoni]

There's an error in your description for Asexual,

You claim Asexual is "incapable of feeling sexual attraction", when it should be "incapable of feeling sexual attraction to another gender", asexuals can still feel sexual attraction to many things, just not necessarily gender (For example, asexuals can still masturbate).

[HyenaKing]

Ah, ok!
I MESSED UP SEVERLEY WAH!
*Runs around freaking out*
I read the post too fast, and i was too tired to bother reading it again.
I'm done now, i always have a heart attack when i am taking serious and i make a mistake.

[anoni]

I meant the OP made a mistake, not you TheFluorescentVulpes xD

[HyenaKing]

Ah, ok thanks for clarifing, because when an admin says someone messed something up, most of the time, i think i ate all the mashmallows.

[JollyGreenFox]

Interesting. ..well learning is apart of life and im going to have to re read this in-depth when I have time

[oddi]

There's an error in your description for Asexual,

You claim Asexual is "incapable of feeling sexual attraction", when it should be "incapable of feeling sexual attraction to another gender", asexuals can still feel sexual attraction to many things, just not necessarily gender (For example, asexuals can still masturbate).

welp, thank you for pointing that out! owo it's been resolved!

[HyenaKing]

Born as intersex, male was chosen for me,  Gray-romantic and Gray-asexual
 it kinda felt unfair, having it chosen for me.

Edit:
Now Am Intersexed.
Bisexual.

[Snow Kittie]

Wow that was really interesting! I have been really interested in this topic for a while now, I am glad you wrote this because I learned a lot. I... I want to figure out what I am but I'm nervous to say.

Heteroromantic definitely
But... I'm thinking bisexual with a female preference...
And as for gender... Femicisgender. I am male but feminine in some ways, I love that word. Feminine.

[HyenaKing]

Wow that was really interesting! I have been really interested in this topic for a while now, I am glad you wrote this because I learned a lot. I... I want to figure out what I am but I'm nervous

Thank you  oddi for all of the good information, also, it is quite useful.

[Armalite_]

I guess after having read all this information that I'm just a mess of different things. I'm strictly male and know it internally. I'm not feminine and I do tons of manly stuffs. I have a preference for women but sometimes I don't ;P I'd never date another guy so I'm heterromantic but when my bisexuality comes into play I sometimes feel confused as to what I'm doing or who I am.


Im more comfortable using the term "hetero-flexible" which I made up :I

[Grey]

Hmm...Then I'm probably Bisexual or Biromantic ( I find that changes a lot for me) and Bigender, which is most likely why I feel so confused with myself sometimes.

[oddi]

aah wow ;w; i'm so glad so many people found this useful~