Advice: Crushes

[juliet]

There is a guy at my school who has had a crush on me since I was with my last boyfriend, even after I left that said boyfriend, this boy would not leave me alone, I have resorted to ignoring all attempts at contact, which I know isn't the best way to go. I have told him very straightly I did not like him, I did not want a relationship, and I persist to say this. How can I get him to leave me alone or just get it that I only want to be friends?


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[ShiroTenshiRyu]

All out removal of contact rarely works. It seems stupid but tell his parents and yours.

[juliet]

I don't know his parents. He just texts me all day, and I don't read them, I delete them. Unless they seem important. He's not a trouble maker, he's not forceful. He's just trying to dig into my shell, into my life and I do not want that. I don't know what else I can do because I have told him I don't want to talk to him.


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[ShiroTenshiRyu]

Then tell your parents or a consular. My point is you need to talk to an adult.

[juliet]

Okay.


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[MaskaTheOtter]

i would aproch this differently. I referenced the book for this one.
you need to get a third party involved.
not an adult just yet. first you need to send your friends, his friends, other people you both know and have them all tell this guy whats up... It needs to be person after person. then once he gets the idea let it stop. give it 24 hours of silence then if you want to be friens still go up and talk to him in person.

The book has spoken

[juliet]

That's what I've been doing. I'll talk to him in person, but I won't text him. I'm glad that I'm not being an ass but I'll ask out friend chels for help.


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[MaskaTheOtter]

one friend is not enough... I am saying 15-20... You want it to be overwhelming!

[Growlithe]

I'm with Shiro on this. Telling a parent has a lower chance of causing drama, and the kid sounds a little "Out there" to me, which could cause it to feel 100 times more dramatic to him. If he's socially awkward then, in my opinion, telling a bunch of peers to get him to stop could have bad effects on him that he might exaggerate and cause problems with. (I never assume that people aren't socially awkward, just because of the issues some things can cause if they are) Ask a counselor and use his advice. They're trained to deal with drama.

Tl;dr
Adults save you from drama this time.

[juliet]

I don't want to involve a bunch of people. And adults here, always make it worse, last time I tried the adult approach, it was this guys mom because the guy was starting stuff in showchoir and she acted like he could do no wrong. Is there anything I  could just say to him, that will get him to back off?


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[ShiroTenshiRyu]

Well there are a couple of things you could do, If you want to avoid adult help first I'd talk to him in a group. Your friends and his, some where public so that you minimize chances of him over reacting. Tell him calmly that you aren't interested. Having both your friends and his there to drive home this point.

[juliet]

Alright.


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[Armalite_]

It's easier if you have mutual friends you can talk to, even if there's only one person you both know that can act as a mediator to send him the message.

If you really don't like this guy and don't want others involved, don't talk to him at all. He'll be persistent but you need to be persistent too. Even if the message seems important, don't respond. He'll give up when he realizes he's not getting through. It may take a while but he'll stop eventually.

If it still doesn't work, block his number. It's easy if you go online to your service provider and enter his number on the "blocked" list. If he's not forceful, he won't stalk you home and you have nothing to worry about.

If he sees you in person, be assertive of your standpoint that you carry no interest in talking to him if he's going to be bothersome.

[Growlithe]

Well.. You asked his mom. That was the issue. If you involve a ton of peers, that could just make him flip. Try an UNBIASED third party, eg councilor. If he is actually invading your privacy then get a restraining order. You're making it more complicated than it is

[Nobi]

I agree with Growlithe. I think it's best to talk to a school official if possible, that way if you need to get some kind of restraining order set up, they can help you through that. If that's not necessary, though, they can probably still have a word with him about it. If he knows there's an authority figure involved, he may back off.