The Colours of Love - What style are you?

[Trixsie Vixen]

Love is a complicated thing and if there's one thing that people agree on it's that there is little agreement about what love is, how it varies among individuals and how do all the biological, psychological and social factors interact.


But that sure hasn't stopped people having a go at it!


So in the spirit of the MBTI poll, here's a little bit of psychology intended for fun and to prompt interesting discussion!


For the sake of this when I say love, I mean in a relationship context not like "I love nachos" or "I love my Dad" which are topics for another thread


Two theories of love which I kinda like are the Triangular Theory of Love by Sternberg and the Colours of Love by Lee.


The Triangular theory basically goes: there are three facets to love: Intimacy, Passion and Commitment and the balance of these facets create seven styles of love.


Intimacy alone is Liking/Friendship
Passion alone is Infatuation
Commitment alone is Empty love


Intimacy and Passion combine to form Romantic love
Passion and Commitment combine to form Fatuous love
Commitment and Intimacy combine to form Companionate love


And finally a blend of Intimacy, Passion and Commitment form Consummate love.


The problem with this model is that is very much a pigeon-hole sort of thing and doesn't reflect that all these elements will be present to some degree for all people.  It doesn't look at how relationships change across time and that styles might be more dynamic.


What it IS good for is if you think your relationship (or history of relationships) is out of balance then thinking in these terms might show which facet is either deficient or excessive.

Here's a picture:



OK, this next one I like better because it doesn't assume that each different style of love is just part of a whole and that favouring one style over another represents some failing from an ideal.


The Colours of Love suggests that there are 6 possible styles (colours) of love and that while each element is present the one which is strongest compared to the others is a person's style.


There are three primary styles which blend to form the three secondary styles (hence the colour metaphor).


Primary styles:


Eros - (Passionate love)
Ludus - (Game-playing love)
Storge - (Trust, respect and friendship)


Secondary styles:


Eros + Ludus = Mania - (Obsessive, jealous love)
Eros + Storge = Agape - (Selfless love)
Ludus + Storge = Pragma - (Practical outlook on love)


Anyway... if you've come this far well done!  The bit we all really want is to take a quiz and find out what our style is right?


Here's a short public domain version!


http://helloquizzy.okcupid.com/tests/the-love-attitudes-scale-test-1

Post Merge: January 14, 2015, 03:38:06 PMYou don't have to post your analyses but here's mine to give you a look at one


http://helloquizzy.okcupid.com/results/the-love-attitudes-scale-test-1/?fromCGI=1&var_Agape=27&var_Mania=25&var_Storge=21&var_Ludus=18&var_Eros=27&var_Pragma=15

[Panda]

Thanks for the link!
I'm pretty into MBTI stuff, so this was interesting to learn about. I've honestly never heard of it before, but it makes sense x)
That test's descriptions bug me, though...I got Eros, which makes sense as I'm a very committed, fierce lover; BUT it talked about how physical Eros people are, and I'm not super physical  Understandable, though, as things like this can't apply to everyone all the time

[Caesium Iodide]

Of course the result I got doesn't surprise me. I had thought that I would get Agape because I don't even need to have a mate for that to show. I put everyone else's needs before my own. And that matches up very nicely with my ISFJ personality. Selfless love.

[kalan]

I got agape

[Tim Siguire]

I got this.. although I couldn't relate to about 8 whole questions because I haven't had relationship go past 3 months.




http://www.helloquizzy.com/results/the-love-attitudes-scale-test-1/?fromCGI=1&var_Agape=26&var_Mania=15&var_Storge=24&var_Ludus=20&var_Eros=23&var_Pragma=19

That kinda hurts

I feel like Rosa the Fox from Anisava


Apparently i'm Agape. I want to take it again but I can't really change much.

[Cheza]

Not sure how exactly the test score should be read, but I had a draw between storge and agape.
The "main" result said storge tho.

[Alistair]

I got Eros 

[Aconitum]

http://helloquizzy.okcupid.com/results/the-love-attitudes-scale-test-1/?fromCGI=1&var_Agape=27&var_Mania=33&var_Storge=23&var_Ludus=18&var_Eros=21&var_Pragma=24

Huh... that's about right.

[Trixsie Vixen]

Interesting... *strokes chin*


Yes, I wouldn't mind seeing the full version of test questions and style descriptions.  I wonder how Eros' Physicality translates in an online setting?  I might see what I can dig up.


After I wrote this poll I thought I should have done it completely differently


TOO LATE!! Move forwards, don't look back!

[Twilight Rose]

I think it's easier to tell what you are with just the general definitions, honestly.


Eros is deeper than passion, but still tends to focus most on the superficial. It values deep emotional connections, love at first sight, and beauty, aside from raw passion.


Ludus is a game; one night stands, stringing someone along, and bouncing from one relationship to another are all examples. Ludus is in it for the fun.


Storge is the love between friends and family. Generally, any mate of a Storge lover will have been one of their closest friends long beforehand.


Mania is obsessive and jealous. In the extreme, nothing gets in the way. Not friends, not family, not other obligations. Lesser examples are more adoring than stalkerish.


Pragma is logical. Arranged marriages focus on this. Long-term compatibility, finances, genetic impacts on children... Pragma likes looking toward a good outcome in as many areas as possible.


Agape is selfless. In a romantic sense, this is the person who will put their lover before themself every single time. Agape simply will not be happy unless their lover is happy. That's all they need.


Myself... I'm highly Eros, with Agape, Mania, Pragma, Ludus, and Storge following in that order.

[Trixsie Vixen]

I'm inclined to agree Twilight!  Since the questions rely on basically the same level of self-awareness and subjective disclosure, there is little gain from the test.  It would be better to have those same items operationalised and tested and rated independantly to avoid issues of positive attribution bias.


It would be more interesting to have couples rate themselves and their partners then compare how close those couples' ratings are.

[Twilight Rose]

Couples do tend to be happiest when their top two or three forms are similar. A Ludus couple, for example, would easily be able to remain friends after the nearly inevitable breaking up because the relationship got old, and an Eros couple would be able to keep up with each other sexually. Eros and Pragma don't really mix all that well, but Storge and Pragma would. Ludus doesn't mix all that well with anything, but Agape can handle them pretty well... It gets pretty complex.