Tell A Joke

[Alx]

2 deers walk out of a gay bar. One turns to the other and says 'Man, I can't believe I blew thirty bucks in there!'

[kalan]

This guy leaves his Ipad at his buddies house when his buddies grandma comes to visit. The grandma sees the ipad and mistakes it for a scale. The moral of the story and old woman weighs about $500

[lonewolfthesniper]

did you know there is a discount at the crematorium
for burn victims its 50% off

[CrazyCat]

How do you make a baby cry?
Throw a rock at it.

How do you make it stop crying?
Throw more rocks at it.

[anoni]

The Americans were righting a comprehensive, and super secret, software to guide their long-distance missiles. Naturally the Russians got wind of this and tried to find out how the Americans coded their logic. It was a hard job and so far no progress was being made, when suddenly one of the Russian rocket engineers runs into the room with a piece of paper and shouts "SIR! SIR! We found out the Americans have written their software in Lisp!".

  The Russian commander goes up to him and says "How do you know?". The engineer explains, "We managed to hack into one of their files, but they discovered this and cut us off very quickly, so we were only able to get the concluding logic of the program, it's clearly in Lisp, take a look for yourself". The Russian commander looks and smiles.

  The code says
   

Code: [Select]

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[White Wolf Guardian]

Le generic anti-american joke.



On this note, since 99/100 will miss my joke of a joke anyways.

[MrRazot]

Weaboos in Japan be like "Where are the subtitles?"

[Trixsie Vixen]

What do you give the person who has everything?


Antibiotics.

[scarfaceone]

OK OK. Ummm,



A Man goes and sees a woman at her house, he is disguised as a Car Repairman, he says ''So, I see you want some Seeeervice?'', the Women and him go on the roof of the car and, you know the rest.

[anoni]

Le generic anti-american joke.

Was actually an anti-lisp (programming language) joke, guessing you didn't read it xD

Another programming joke: How many prolog programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Yes.

A Non-programming joke: Three men die and go to heaven, St. Peter is at the pearly gates and says to the three men "Your transportation in heaven is based on how many times you cheated with your spouse, the more you cheated the worse your transportation is."

  He then goes up to the first guy and says "You have cheated on your wife 2 times, thus you get an old car". The first person, slightly disappointed, takes his transport and leaves.

  St. Peter goes to the second guy and says "You have cheated on your wife 4 times, thus you get a scabby, barely running tractor". The second guy, extremely disappointed with his tractor, walks of muttering to himself.

  St. Peter goes to the third guy and says "You have cheated on your wife zero times, thus you get a luxary sports car!" The third guy is ecstatic and goes off his merry way.

  Two weeks pass and the three guys meet up again, they see that the third guy is really sad. "What's wrong?" Says the second guy, "You got the best car out of all of us!"

  "Yeah... *sniff*" says the third guy, "But I saw my wife riding a skateboard!"

[Blisk]

In a locked room there is only a doctor, a mammoth and a hamburger. What did the doctor do with the mammoth?

I dunno, I wasn't in the room.

That's...what even!? Lol

So there's this guy who walked into a bar

He said "ouch"

[Zarconite]

A plane is taking its test flight to find out if it's going to go into commercial use, Its feeling quite nervous and asked for some words of encouragement from the pilot.
The pilot responds: "Don't worry, just wing it!"

[Blisk]

Why are puns so terrible?

They're not. They're actually quite punderful

[kalan]

^zarco would be proud

How do you get a cat outta a tree

The chainsaw works pretty good

[Blisk]

Awww thank you

What's the difference between a dead baby and a pumpkin?

One's fun to carve and the other is a pumpkin