Is it me?

[Draco Vertolgr]

I feel insecure about this I don't know why but I do.


I've been able to pride myself on my ability to overcome emotional pain and insecurity, I felt as if I have built some sort of resiliency to the world and I still do but this still seems to poke at my mind every so often. I feel alone and I know why this is.


while I was away from the forums I have been working a lot with school and my jobs. I have some really good friends but still none that I can share my interests with and bond with on intellectual and emotional levels. I decided to try and talk to some more furries online and get to know some new people but it has come with little avail. I feel as though people just kind of ignore me or don't really care which is fine and I met some furs that seemed to be interested in becoming friends but when it came to the fandom all they talked about was yiff and smut to some alarming levels to where I wasn't comfortable with talking to them often. Eventually I decided to go back to where being an official furry started for me, which was here I forgot about TFF and decided to come back but now I am questioning why? I see that very few people seemed to have even taken notice of me existing and fewer want to even talk to me. Which is what I feel and the reality may be different of course but I feel as if people don't seem to care.


Why is this relevant? well it goes back to me working and being graduated from highschool. I am currently 18 and have gotten into a rut with my job as a server. I am around co-workers who only talk about partying and getting high. I'm not much about that stuff but I don't judge either. The only person who seemed to care about how I felt but really didn't used me for what she wanted and dropped the caring act shortly after. I felt sick for falling for her act but decided to move on.


Many drives on my way home I think about how I have my freedom with my car yet I have no one to see, to talk to or to hang out with. I wonder if it is because I am doing something wrong. Why is it that people irl seem so shallow and don't like to connect with me? why is it when I try to meet people online they just hardly pay any notice to me? People see me at first glance and one of two things seem to happen. If it is irl they will talk, possibly flirt and ask if I party. I'll tell them I don't but instead I like to go on walks and read or play some games. Then they become uninterested and I become part of the scenery. The other thing that happens is online and I will make a post or thread wondering if anyone wants to talk. People don't seem to notice or care and will move on.


I'm making this post because I was wondering if anyone felt anything similar to how I feel. Could give me some advice on what I could do to just meet a good friend and talk. I'm not shy, I am very approachable and I hear it often enough that I am an awesome person. But my mind is just elsewhere, I am looking for meaningful friendships, people to bond with. I am always thinking about ideas for cosplays or some really nerdy sci-fi crap or ideas for some of my stories. So is it me? am I doing something wrong? I hope I made some kind of sense, sometimes I can be a bit crap at that

[Midnight Madness]

I can't say it's just you, dude. Sometimes I'm shit at small talk, but far too often do I find myself in that same damn hole as you. Recently the monotony has been broken up, but to be honest, I feel like too many people in the world focus on immediate pleasures instead of the entirety of their world, making them rather whiny if something isn't exactly to their liking or immediately accessible. That goes for online and off.

But I digress. I feel as if people just turn their nose up at me, as well, and forget I exist. And hell, I even feel like my position as moderator even intimidates some people, for whatever reason; I end up being a thread killer by mistake. I'm seriously friendly as hell, I just have a job to do and I intend to do it. Outside the forum, however? Before about two months ago, I messaged person after person who I thought was someone I'd like to know, people into similar stuff, only to either get nothing in response or bullshitted into thinking something would bud.

I can say I know how you feel. People can be shallow and rude, and even just straight up ignorant. Retail taught me this in spades, but what it didn't teach me is why people run away from a kind greeting or a well wish online.

Luckily, I've broken that trend recently. Someone notable that I've met is an artist named Talynn. Small world since he lives my my old hometown. I actually got to talk to Wyntersun through his art streams, as well. And after that, things just started happening. I've made at least four new proper friends, and have been sucked into part of the brony "inner sanctum" to a degree (despite my lack of bronyness) , thanks to my best friend, and might end up in plenty of YouTube videos in the future.

It's a slow process... But after enough time hanging around here and there, you'll be noticed by the right people more and more. Just keep on being friendly, Draco, and the monotony will break.

[Draco Vertolgr]

Gotta just keep chugging on then sounds like a plan. Thx for the advice Ill try to keep it up.