Asexual?

[Furrball]

I will give you an example of asexuality, from my own personal experience. 


I had plenty of romantic crushes in high school. A few years after I graduated, I quite suddenly and randomly realized that I never- not even ONCE- imagined or thought anything sexual about them. I never wanted to do sexual things, and I never fantasized about anything other than a romantic, Disney-style kiss scene. And even then, I'm not huge on kissing either. But.. yeah. 

That's not a 100% asexuality, from what I'm aware

Well, there's asexuality, but being asexual doesn't mean that you can't have romantic feelings. There are categories for that, and they go along with asexuality. I myself am asexual grayromantic (which means I don't usually have romantic feelings). Don't forget that a person's sexual and romantic orientations can also shift over periods of time, if only a little. I used to be very into romance as a young teen, but now I'm twenty-three and I couldn't care less about romance. Sexuality and romance is never set in stone, in my opinion. It may not change, or change very much, but I think it can change a bit. But it's up to the individual to determine how it changes and decide what they are. 

[Goblin Cat 😸]

I think it's also worth noting that asexuals can have sex and masturbate and still be asexual. The only thing that defines whether or not you're asexual is whether or not you're sexually attracted to other people.

[Nrein]

I think it's also worth noting that asexuals can have sex and masturbate and still be asexual. The only thing that defines whether or not you're asexual is whether or not you're sexually attracted to other people.

Just saying, that sounds more like an excuse than an explanation... If someone came up to me and said "I want to have sex with you," but aren't attracted to me, then says "I'm Asexual" to describe their orientation, I couldn't honestly take them seriously at that point.

If that's the case, then it shouldn't be considered a sexual orientation, rather as just some other sort of label. Though then you'd have to say something along the lines of "I'm a Cis-Gender Male who is Homoromantic, Asexual, that would like to still have sex with you." Just sounds a bit contrived, at least from an "outsider" looking in

[Angder]

TBCH I am with Nrein on this, if you are attracted to someone like that, you are not Asexual, if you are not attracted, then why are you having sex?

[Nrein]

And I should note that I'm not trying to be "malicious", nor am I trying to say "Asexuality doesn't exist." I've always personally been fascinated by the mindset of asexuality, and have honestly always found more contradictions in it than most people can explain.

Before someone says I'm harassing or anything like that .w.

[Goblin Cat 😸]

Asexuals can have sex for different reasons.

Some asexuals enjoy sex. Their equipment works fine, but it can be more of a mechanical thing where their body still functions but they aren't necessarily interested in a person.
Some asexuals have sex to please their partner, regardless of whether they are interested in the sex or not.
Some asexuals have sex to experiment and explore.

Either way, it doesn't invalidate them. Literally the only requirement for being asexual is not being sexually attracted to people. People can like sex but not be sexually attracted to someone.

[Nrein]

Asexuals can have sex for different reasons.

Some asexuals enjoy sex. Their equipment works fine, but it can be more of a mechanical thing where their body still functions but they aren't necessarily interested in a person.
Some asexuals have sex to please their partner, regardless of whether they are interested in the sex or not.
Some asexuals have sex to experiment and explore.

Either way, it doesn't invalidate them. Literally the only requirement for being asexual is not being sexually attracted to people. People can like sex but not be sexually attracted to someone.

I could say what that really sounds like, but I don't want to possibly offend someone because, well, it would.

I had always been under the assumption that it means you don't *desire sex.* I'm not saying that they're junk can't possibly work, but...

I just don't see the point in it. I'm all for people being what they want and who they want, but that just seems like a huge contradiction. It just sounds like an easy way to say "I can have as much sex as I want, but I just won't be interested in them." Clearly, you would have to have some interest in them, in order to do that action. I don't know about you but if I'm not "into" someone, I can't just bring myself to "do it" with them.

[Goblin Cat 😸]

 Clearly, you would have to have some interest in them, in order to do that action. I don't know about you but if I'm not "into" someone, I can't just bring myself to "do it" with them.

Not all people operate like you do. Again, all asexuals are different and just because you can't wrap your head around it, it doesn't mean they are any less asexual.

[Nrein]

 Clearly, you would have to have some interest in them, in order to do that action. I don't know about you but if I'm not "into" someone, I can't just bring myself to "do it" with them.

Not all people operate like you do. Again, all asexuals are different and just because you can't wrap your head around it, it doesn't mean they are any less asexual.

Never once have I said they have to It just sounds completely backwards and strange is all, no need to get defensive about it.

[Goblin Cat 😸]

I wasn't getting defensive so much as I was stating a point. Some people don't get that pov, and never will, which is something I pointed out near the beginning of the thread.

[Nrein]

I wasn't getting defensive so much as I was stating a point. Some people don't get that pov, and never will, which is something I pointed out near the beginning of the thread.

That's perfectly fine. Though to be fair, that still doesn't answer how they can do it, without wanting the person or being interested in them.

As far as I know, to have any sort of sexual arousal, you'd have to be,  well, desiring sex. How can you willingly have sex, while being aroused, without wanting the person or having interested in them?

Telling me that "You don't understand it, so you won't and can't, it's just how it works" doesn't help anyone *understand* how it works. If you can say every asexual is different, but can't explain  how every aspect of it works, you shouldn't really speak for them all to begin with

[Obey138 (Matthew "Fluffy")]

That's perfectly fine. Though to be fair, that still doesn't answer how they can do it, without wanting the person or being interested in them.

As far as I know, to have any sort of sexual arousal, you'd have to be,  well, desiring sex. How can you willingly have sex, being aroused, without wanting the person or having interested in them?

That's a solid question right here

[Goblin Cat 😸]

As someone who is aromantic and asexual, I can answer that question, I just choose not to because the answer that I have for you I'm not comfortable with sharing on a public forum, especially not in the general section of things. Suffice it to say that sometimes people have sex as a purely mechanical thing - their body may respond to certain stimuli that aren't people - sensations and other things of that nature - and may seek to rectify it with a friend or partner even if they are not sexually invested in said person.

EDIT: Also as a disclaimer I never seek to be the Lorax of all asexuals because peoples' experiences differ. I am well versed in things of this nature, and can answer questions but there's simply times where an argument isn't going to get anywhere when people just don't get it. Hence why sometimes I refuse to expand - if you're not getting the basics, you're sure as hell not going to get the intricacies of something.

[Nrein]

I mean, are you implying I don't/can't get it, or? Because I "get the basics." I should say, it's one thing to not get the basics, and another thing to want to know more about the/how they become more intricate parts, if that makes sense. It's 1 AM and I can't really put what's right in my head to text :v

I guess that answer suffices for what it's worth, in terms of whatever answer you can provide based on your experience with it.

[anoni]

One of my ex's was asexual, but in sort of an interesting way.

He found himself capable of being attracted to things on an illustrated, or conceptual, level. But at the same time was repulsed, or rather afraid, of the physical act. He considers himself asexual cause that's the best way to describe it, he has no interest in physically doing anything, even if he finds the concept attractive.

So I think the problem between Nic and Mortimus is more what constitutes as an asexual. And what I think Mort is trying to say is that sexuality is not based on act, it's based on attraction. While one may participate in a sexual act with a male, that does not make him necessarily attracted to males, and yes there are a lot of situations where people will have sexual relations with people they aren't attracted to (A gay person doing stuff with a girl, even marrying, cause he's afraid of persecution. Someone experimenting with a different person to check things out, a man getting raped by a girl, etc)

  So asexuals can still have sexual relations with someone and maintain their status as "asexuals", even if it's just for pleasure. Another example is some sexual participatory acts have the same form of participation regardless if the partner is male or female. So if you blindfolded one of the partners, the act would feel the same whether or not the person on the other side was male or female, in this way a gay person can do stuff with a girl or a heterosexual do something with a guy and still maintain their sexuality, cause they're enjoying it based on pleasure alone, not on attraction.

  Maybe that clears stuff up? I want to point out the sophisticated and analytical vocabulary here, keep it, so it doesn't necessarily break rules talking about this stuff.