I'm Getting Confused

[Cecilia Peromi]

I've had gender issues in the past. And it seems like they are all just flooding back. I don't know what to think, maybe I would like it better if I was a girl, but i'm just not, I'm a boy. I know that there is a way to transition and become a girl, but it's all test tubes and surgery. I can't do that, but at the same time I can't push away the feeling I get when think about being a girl. I feel... happy. I'm running out of time to make this decision, the older I get, the harder and more expensive it gets to transition myself. My brain just feels like it's frozen, I have no idea what to think or what to do.

[Traum]

What is about the man's body that you hate so much?

[HollowOfHaze]

What is about the man's body that you hate so much?

I feel that the proper question would instead be: what about being female appeals to you enough to consider surgery?

[Traum]

We're emphasizing on different things

[Obey138 (Matthew "Fluffy")]

I'm pretty much in exact same situation.
I feel like bring male doesn't fit me at all. I don't like it and I don't feel any enjoyment from it. It only annoyed so far.
I feel like being female or even genderless/agender would make me happier. Even just cutting my balls and penis off might help me mentally to like my body.
But I don't have money for any surgeries. And because of that I forced myself to accept it, staying as a femboy, but it still doesn't feel right. I don't feel bring myself. My mind is just frozen as yours. I'd love to change that, but I can't.
It's also one of the factors that causes my depression.

And it began the same. I just thought about how would it be to be a girl. And just thinking about it made me happier. Just happier. I'm unable to describe it more precisely.

Don't worry Celilia, we are on the same wagon.

[Kipsy]

Do you enjoy dressing like a girl? I mean if you haven't actually sort of acted on your happy thoughts then what are you waiting for? That might help you decide what would be the best thing for you to do.

[mosskid]

If you are feel happy when you identify as a girl, then you are a girl. Some trans people never have surgery if it's not for them, and frankly, its no one's business if you decided to transition through surgery or not.


Just because you can't afford surgery or just don't want to do it doesn't mean you can't be a girl. If wearing feminine clothing would help you feel more comfortable you can always go out and purchase some, and if money is an issue, there are tons of communities online where trans males can trade clothing with trans females for free!


There are also other resources for trans females that provides fake padding for your chest, and other stuff that can make you feel more confident your body. However, if your suffering from gender dysphoria, these methods may not help.


If you strongly feel that you need surgery in order to be happy, then definitely do some research on it and reach out to LGBTQ communities on the web to see if it's the right choice for you! If you ever need some more resources or info, feel free to DM me! Good luck!

[Obey138 (Matthew "Fluffy")]

and if money is an issue, there are tons of communities online where trans males can trade clothing with trans females for free!

Can you provide some examples of this type of sites?

[HollowOfHaze]

Consider that before getting surgery, many professionals will strongly recommend therapy before attempting such a significant operation.

[mosskid]

The Tumblr Transgender Clothing Exchange and transtrade on Reddit are good places to start!    However, a quick google search for trans clothing swaps can provide you with more options.


There are also clothing trade meet ups for trans folk in Chicago, San Francisco, Austin, Las Vegas, and Canada, if you happen to live anywhere near those places.

[Cecilia Peromi]

Do you enjoy dressing like a girl? I mean if you haven't actually sort of acted on your happy thoughts then what are you waiting for? That might help you decide what would be the best thing for you to do.

I've never actually tried it. The thing is that I always feel guilty when I do something girly and then enjoy it. The enjoyment is followed by this wave of guilt and sadness. I think "why am I doing this? This isn't normal. Something is seriously wrong with me."

[Halei-Helai]

I've never actually tried it. The thing is that I always feel guilty when I do something girly and then enjoy it. The enjoyment is followed by this wave of guilt and sadness. I think "why am I doing this? This isn't normal. Something is seriously wrong with me."

Yeah this sounds really familiar. Gender is a really complicated thing, and is more like a gradient than a binary system.

Really though, transition is different for everybody. Some people don't transition at all because they don't feel like they need to. Some only undergo HRT. Some actually get surgical procedures done. Everybody who does any of those things or doesn't do any of those things does so for many different reasons, and there is no one road map.

Anyway, if this is causing significant distress it would probably be good to talk to somebody about this, specifically a therapist who has actual training and experience with gender issues. At the very least it might be good to get some things off your chest, whether or not you want to undergo any physical changes. Ultimately you may not even feel the need to after some talking.

Feel free to PM me if you need. I am pretty familiar with this stuff, probably for now-obvious reasons.

[Cecilia Peromi]

My family does know about this issue. I saw a therapist at one point but it didn't work out. We never even discussed my gender problem. At this point I just wish that I didn't have this problem. I wish I was normal.

[Obey138 (Matthew "Fluffy")]

DO NOT prioritise your biological sex over mentality, because that's what you may be doing, based on your saying.

[MrRazot]

I used to think that maybe I would be better as a woman. It eventually went away, but came back stronger and I was super confused about it. I think though that I was more in love with the idea of being a woman and envious of how beautiful they all are (it annoys me when any woman thinks they're not beautiful) and how they can pull things off that apparently men can't.

However recently, I've become happier as a man and almost proud of it. I think there's a difference between being embarrassed about your sexuality and being confident about it. One of my favourite comedians is a transvestite and despite his affinity to dresses and make-up, he still has a wife and kids.

It brought up a question: what does it mean to be a man?
Some people may say that it's about being strong and muscular or having sex every week with someone else while watching the sports. Simply put, none of that is true because a man can be anything and that's something to be proud of.

Maybe I'm putting my biological sex before my mentality, but I'm just happier where I already am.