Trans resources/discussion

[The Past]

Yeah, that's true. I'm afraid of leaving what I'm used to and rocking the boat. I like being in the background, and despite the change being appealing, I'm scared of stepping out of my shell.

I hear once I actually try HRT and do it for a few months, my mind will be more easily settled one way or the other.

I'm sorry I'm hogging the thread so much. I'm stuck between acceptance and feeling I'm jumping to conclusion. I'm excited but worried I'm going the wrong path.

[Goblin Cat 😸]

It's natural to feel as if you're jumping to conclusions when people are constantly questioning your validity and saying things like 'It's just a phase' or 'but are you sure???' but to put it lightly, cis people don't spend all that much time thinking about their gender like you have. Transition, as I said before, is a big step, not just for yourself, but literally everyone around you. It's an adjustment to say the least, but in the end, in my opinion (and how it's reflected in statistics), it's worth it to feel comfortable as yourself. After all, you're the one that has to deal with yourself the most, why shouldn't you be happy about being you?

I know when I began HRT, it did a lot for my confidence and helped me 'pass' better as the gender I wanted to be perceived as. It helped me feel more comfortable, and once I got a taste of that, I couldn't help but think to myself 'feck what anyone else thinks, this is what I want.' I actually spent a lot of time agonizing over whether I wanted to transition much like you have because I was afraid of how people would react or what they would think of me. Or rather, I was worried about doing HRT. Top surgery was something I wanted whether or not I presented as male, female, or anything in between.

And you're not hogging the thread, you're participating in discussion just as the thread was intended for, so feel free to post on. I think most everyone else is a bit afraid to post for one reason or another. I don't mind mistakes, but I do plan to correct if I see something not so nice.

[Rho'Syn Ilwynog]

I wanted to throw my story out there for anyone who needs help with it.


Disclaimer: Though I consider myself Bi-Gendered IRL, I identified as transgender for more than three years, recently. I don't fit into either gender by itself. Also, I don't plan on transitioning. As much as I feel I am female in soul, going through the process of transitioning isn't something I want to do in my life.


I always knew something was off when I was growing up. My body didn't grow the way I really imagined it to, and I never saw myself as a "guy" in personality. I wasn't super effeminate, but I definitely wasn't male in my own view of what it was.


I came out as Trans when I was in high school, thankfully, to a warm appreciation (I went to an alternative art high school so it's not too much of a stretch of the imagination). After high school, I helped start the Transponder support group in my area. I wanted to go through the transition at first, but the more I thought about the surgery, medication, and money it would take, the less I wanted to do it.


Nowadays, I consider myself "A woman experiencing a man's life". IRL, I have a handlebar mustache, I dress in "guy" clothes, and present as male to the world, but to those select few who know the truth, it's a part of what makes me, me. Though if someone said they could wave a magic wand and make me a woman I probably would jump at the chance

[Goblin Cat 😸]

And this is why I like to stress that each trans person is different. Just because you choose to "transition partially" or not at all doesn't mean you're any less transgender than someone who goes all out and goes from one gender to another with all the operations. I myself don't plan to get anything after top surgery as my dysphoria for my nethers is not as severe as say that of my breasts and I still plan to ID as agender even if I do present mostly masculine.

I could say the same thing happened with me growing up except when puberty happened, my male friends went one way, the females another, and there I was in the middle fitting into neither side and upset/frustrated that I was dealing with the changes I was having. My mom even told me that when she tried to warn me about puberty, I told her flat out that I wasn't doing it... Then my body proceeded not to until my mom had me see a doctor about it and basically induce puberty for me at 17.

If only I had known what transgender people were, perhaps things would have happened differently for me.

[The Past]

Do you know if Walmart has anything good that will work as a safe binder? I can't order anything online and I can't drive, and Walmart is the only store relevant within walking distance. If not, do you know of any other US stores that might, in case I get the chance to go to one?

[Goblin Cat 😸]

Not that I can think of at the moment; though I have heard of people using spanx to kind of bind. If not that, smaller sports bras can do it, methinks. It may not be as good as a binder, but that's how it is, unfortunately. A lot of binders that I've seen have been either through online purchases or exchanges and trades through trans support groups.

[Goblin Cat 😸]

http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5
A nice feature on buzzfeed!

[Zae]

Do you know if Walmart has anything good that will work as a safe binder? I can't order anything online and I can't drive, and Walmart is the only store relevant within walking distance. If not, do you know of any other US stores that might, in case I get the chance to go to one?

Depending on the size of your chest, as Mort said, using a size or two down from your actual size with sports bras works fairly decently, and imo is much more comfortable than a binder. But as to be expected, with larger chests it's less effective. I personally don't bind at all anymore, a baggy shirt is enough for me.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5
A nice feature on buzzfeed!

Oh boy, prepare for me to rub people the wrong way.

This is anything but a nice feature, in my opinion. In fact it's one of the many reasons I have such a hard time taking most trans people seriously - shit like this. So I'll break it down to each panel and maybe go off on a bit of a ramble from there.

In the first panel, sure it could be implying he's saying all trans people look ugly, but consider the image MEDIA gives the common citizen of trans people. I cannot give many examples of this, personally I avoid social media and television, so I have no idea what is currently popular or playing BUT what I do know is that I HAVE seen trans people represented on TV, usually as comedic relief or jokes in general, and not in a particularily good way. So that would be an issue with the MEDIA, not individuals. Also regardless if someone said this to me, I wouldn't focus on the negitive side of things. He said you look good, regardless whether you might think it has a slight negative canotation or not, take pride in the fact you've changed their perspective.

I have no idea why it is an issue to state you've never met a trans person before. Sure, perhaps this person has walked by or worked with many trans people and never knew! But, he's just stating he has never met a trans person and been aware of their trans identity. There is nothing **censor** wrong with that statement, its just being nitpicky imo.

W.. How can this third one... HOW IS THIS TAKEN NEGATIVELY. I swear to god this is just oozing tumblr, this entire comic. "I would date a trans person." Positive statement, but from the TUMBLR PERSPECTIVE, DAT SHIT PROBLEMATIC. Like holy horseshit, that must mean saying "I would date a man/woman/POC/asian/dinosaur" is ALSO implying they're all usually undateable too! And ya know, that it's not just individual preference!

Fourth one isn't entirely wrong. By "real" woman, I'm going to assume they mean biological, nothing else. So, saying you look like a "real" woman would actually be a compliment, because they'd be saying you look like a biological woman, why is that so hard to grasp? Because, no, from a scientific stance trans women (or men) aren't actually biological women (or men). But as per usual, tumblr has to twist everything into a negative view, because muh hugbox mentality.

The fifth, lets make some quick assumptions I can base my arguement on. Lets assume these two are fairly close friends, and perhaps the girl had a crush on the dude. Now, with that understanding, why would it be so wrong for her to say that? Maybe now knowing he's trans she's no longer interested in a romantic relationship, and saved them both hardship down the road? Or with them being close friends, and if she's at all like me, sharing close, personal information with a dear friend is a very important bonding experience. There is literally nothing that suggests toward the second quote.

Assuming this guy is saying it from a sexual point, so **censor** what? If he has a fetish for trans people, who gives a rats ass? Fetishes exist for everything, I say live and let live, his fetish harms no one.

Seventh, I have to agree with the "problematic" statement. Yeah, it is hard to switch pronouns, for both the person transitioning, and especially for the people who know that person! It took me a good 6 months to start calling MYSELF by the correct pronouns, and even now, a year into my transition I still react whenever I hear my birth name. My mom still slips up and calls me my birth name, or she, but do I care, do I put it against her? Of course not! Yeah, I get a little annoyed, but I know she's not doing it on purpose. It's harder for some people to switch, and often takes time and practice. Patience is key here.

Holy shit. Just. JUST. "I don't have a problem with trans people" = "I have a problem with trans people" wait... WHAT. I really don't think I need to explain why this is bullshit, lmao.

Tumblr. At it's finest.


Quick edit, too. I think this is one of those moments where it's appropriate to say "Don't dish what you can't take."

If someone who was a "cis" male made a comic about all the BS trans people said, tumblr and im sure other social media sites would be all over it like white on rice, razzing and hating on said artist/person. Really I do not see any need for this comic, it's just asking for trouble and helping NO ONE.

[George]

Spoiler for Full Quote:

Do you know if Walmart has anything good that will work as a safe binder? I can't order anything online and I can't drive, and Walmart is the only store relevant within walking distance. If not, do you know of any other US stores that might, in case I get the chance to go to one?

Depending on the size of your chest, as Mort said, using a size or two down from your actual size with sports bras works fairly decently, and imo is much more comfortable than a binder. But as to be expected, with larger chests it's less effective. I personally don't bind at all anymore, a baggy shirt is enough for me.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/meredithtalusan/cissexist-bullshit-translator#.nbZZKzQG5
A nice feature on buzzfeed!

Oh boy, prepare for me to rub people the wrong way.

This is anything but a nice feature, in my opinion. In fact it's one of the many reasons I have such a hard time taking most trans people seriously - shit like this. So I'll break it down to each panel and maybe go off on a bit of a ramble from there.

In the first panel, sure it could be implying he's saying all trans people look ugly, but consider the image MEDIA gives the common citizen of trans people. I cannot give many examples of this, personally I avoid social media and television, so I have no idea what is currently popular or playing BUT what I do know is that I HAVE seen trans people represented on TV, usually as comedic relief or jokes in general, and not in a particularily good way. So that would be an issue with the MEDIA, not individuals. Also regardless if someone said this to me, I wouldn't focus on the negitive side of things. He said you look good, regardless whether you might think it has a slight negative canotation or not, take pride in the fact you've changed their perspective.

I have no idea why it is an issue to state you've never met a trans person before. Sure, perhaps this person has walked by or worked with many trans people and never knew! But, he's just stating he has never met a trans person and been aware of their trans identity. There is nothing **censor** wrong with that statement, its just being nitpicky imo.

W.. How can this third one... HOW IS THIS TAKEN NEGATIVELY. I swear to god this is just oozing tumblr, this entire comic. "I would date a trans person." Positive statement, but from the TUMBLR PERSPECTIVE, DAT SHIT PROBLEMATIC. Like holy horseshit, that must mean saying "I would date a man/woman/POC/asian/dinosaur" is ALSO implying they're all usually undateable too! And ya know, that it's not just individual preference!

Fourth one isn't entirely wrong. By "real" woman, I'm going to assume they mean biological, nothing else. So, saying you look like a "real" woman would actually be a compliment, because they'd be saying you look like a biological woman, why is that so hard to grasp? Because, no, from a scientific stance trans women (or men) aren't actually biological women (or men). But as per usual, tumblr has to twist everything into a negative view, because muh hugbox mentality.

The fifth, lets make some quick assumptions I can base my arguement on. Lets assume these two are fairly close friends, and perhaps the girl had a crush on the dude. Now, with that understanding, why would it be so wrong for her to say that? Maybe now knowing he's trans she's no longer interested in a romantic relationship, and saved them both hardship down the road? Or with them being close friends, and if she's at all like me, sharing close, personal information with a dear friend is a very important bonding experience. There is literally nothing that suggests toward the second quote.

Assuming this guy is saying it from a sexual point, so **censor** what? If he has a fetish for trans people, who gives a rats ass? Fetishes exist for everything, I say live and let live, his fetish harms no one.

Seventh, I have to agree with the "problematic" statement. Yeah, it is hard to switch pronouns, for both the person transitioning, and especially for the people who know that person! It took me a good 6 months to start calling MYSELF by the correct pronouns, and even now, a year into my transition I still react whenever I hear my birth name. My mom still slips up and calls me my birth name, or she, but do I care, do I put it against her? Of course not! Yeah, I get a little annoyed, but I know she's not doing it on purpose. It's harder for some people to switch, and often takes time and practice. Patience is key here.

Holy shit. Just. JUST. "I don't have a problem with trans people" = "I have a problem with trans people" wait... WHAT. I really don't think I need to explain why this is bullshit, lmao.

Tumblr. At it's finest.


Quick edit, too. I think this is one of those moments where it's appropriate to say "Don't dish what you can't take."

If someone who was a "cis" male made a comic about all the BS trans people said, tumblr and im sure other social media sites would be all over it like white on rice, razzing and hating on said artist/person. Really I do not see any need for this comic, it's just asking for trouble and helping NO ONE.

Hey wow, I was about to speak up about how, well, hateful that comic was towards non-trans people. You pretty much said everything I wanted to.

@Mort: I hope you were joking by posting that because spreading hate against people just for being comfortable with their gender is not cool.

[The Past]

Thank you, Zae. I was planning to pick at this myself but had to sleep. I did try the tight sports bra trick, but my breasts are too big to make it work properly. There are some other methods I want to try before ordering a binder. However, I don't plan to present/go by male until I'm on T for a few weeks. Making people refer to me as a man when I don't look like it yet feels awkward in my opinion. But I do have my new name picked out!

Anyway, I've probably mentioned this before, but the auto-aggressive "us" vs. "them" mentality that a number of (loud) trans people have is only going to make things worse for us in the long run. People who would normally be accepting will instead want to avoid openly trans people out of fear that they will accidentally misspeak and offend them somehow. This is especially true for people who have social anxiety and trouble with wording their thoughts. That's how I felt when I was trying to figure out the feelings I had, and even pushed me to repress longer. I wanted to talk with transgender people about it, but I was afraid I'd word something wrong and have a hate mob on me.

The fact is, being transgender is not an every day thing average people are aware of. It's unfair to expect people to know exactly how things are and what not to say. That's why instead of crying "transphobia" at every little goofup, you should respectfully explain to them. Teach them. Assuming everyone is out to get you with any statement is only going to make things more stressful. There will always be bigots who want to treat you like shit, and they can **censor** right off. But the people who are well-meaning but wording things poorly at times are the people you should keep around and help them learn. Knowledge is power.