I really need help!! :(

[asterisk]

This is a long story, be warned.

So a year or two ago (don't remember exactly), I bought some expensive commissions from a "popufur" (I mean over $200 each, I may have bought like 3 of them). The guy was very rude to me the whole time. I never had this much trouble from anyone. His work was good, but, looking back, I think I could get better for less. I was paying for his name but he even said he wanted zero association with me, for whatever reason.

I finally told him I couldn't keep commissioning someone as rude as he was. I was polite about it as I could have been. He went off and called me things I won't even repeat, but basically that I was his worst customer ever (I did nothing wrong), was talentless, had no chance of success in life, etc., then blocked me before I could respond.

It's even hard for me to type this and I still cry <REMOVED>

Incidents like my story above have been my life at this point. Nothing but rejection and being used and spat on. No group or people accept me and it's difficult to cope with. Nobody wants to talk to me and I'm sick of forcing myself into someone's life.

My biggest problem is people like the guy in my story (I won't say his name) are always the popular and successful ones when I feel they shouldn't be. And people like me, no matter how hard I try, get nothing. I feel like I must have done something awful in my past life.

<REMOVED> it haunts me, being told I'm never good enough for anyone. I have hallucinations about it and 10 years of intensive therapy and medications and hospital stays have done nothing for it. <REMOVED>.

And then a lot of people play Oppression Olympics with me and say I'm "too privileged" to complain or whatever but that's another rant.

What can I do here? I wanna contact him and politely ask for an apology, but, I feel that won't do any good.

[Ori]

Yeah, I don't think asking for an apology would be a good idea. The best I could suggest is forget about him, but I'm guessing if it was that easy you woulda already done that. Instead how about writing how much you dislike the guy. (Not to him mind you. Just in a private journal.) It helps get anger and hatred out ya know? That might help. Or if you have friends that are offline, talk about it with them. Sometimes it's all about getting stuff off your chest.

I remember you were pretty negative last time. Maybe being a bit more positive is the first step to being accepted into groups. It's not like I don't understand why you would be negative. Sometimes you have to push yourself to be positive in order to fit in. Of course I'm not telling you to be awkwardly uppity, just ya know, avoid saying things that sound bad or sad or maybe edge over to awkwardly uppity. There is a look people have when they sad or happy, and even when you don't think you're making a face you're making it? (Or at least when people look at sad people they kind of feel like they're hard to talk to.) So try to be a bit more positive and people will tend to like you more. It's like the psychology thing, sometimes the most happy people are just acting that way and they're actually the most depressed. (Particularly characters like class clowns. And I think I'm speaking from experience. {I'm only saying I think because I'm not sure what I was particularly feeling 10-12 years ago at that time}.)

And you ain't ugly. That's just you believing something someone told ya I bet. And I can guarantee 99% of the time when people use the word ugly they're just trying to say something mean and it's not true. Just like how a person might call a relatively skinny person fat, to try to pick on them. And trust me beauty has very little to do with anything. I mean I read articles on being ugly effecting job interviews. But that's the most I've read. I've seen ugly people with friends and a significant other.

It ain't silly. It's basically emotional abuse to keep being insulted. Especially when you have a hard time getting away from the insults.

I dunno, I don't know if that helps...

[Athlaros]

I don't think you should ask for an apology, mainly because he doesn't really deserve to be anywhere near anyone, especially near anyone who seems really in-touch with emotions as yourself. I know it is difficult for you to get over being told that you're worthless and how it haunts anyone really after being told such horrid things, but for this emotion of feeling trapped by words and actions, I recommend art or some form of release through creative means. Maybe something abstract like a Jackson Pollock-style painting or something more 'physical' (with characters or words) to describe your feelings. I'd also recommend maybe seeking help for some of those more repeating negative thoughts and feelings. If you still attend school, a school counselor could teach you some coping skills and help you lift some weight off your chest from the burden of negative emotions. If you don't attend school, perhaps try a friend or go see an actual counselor (if money is an issue, almost all mental health clinics arrange for payment arrangements) to help you. You aren't alone, I promise.


For finding friends, it really depends on what you want. For offline friendships, I'd stay here and chat as this community seems pretty nice to me. ROBLOX is a good place to find friends (though more game pals than long-term) and the forums are a blast too. If you're a gamer, try those communities and forums and I assure you that you'll find companionship. I think also there are a few more Furry Forums, along with one made for teenage furries if that is something that interests you. For something offline, I'd start checking the paper/social media for parties or events. Facebook has an events feature that will show you all events in your local area, and I've personally benefitted from this myself. That would be a great way to latch onto a group in real life. Sports, after-school clubs, memberships to places can also help form bonds with a group of people. Honestly, there are abundant choices when it comes to friends, just find your calling and go. You'll do great.


I know that it feels like you're 'cursed' since you can't get ahead in life, but don't bully yourself like that. Knock harder and make the world hear you, don't just give up. Make the world know who you are and make those other people realize the faults they've committed. It's not impossible.


And as for the oppression thing, screw them. Honestly. Anyone can be lonely or sad, not just minorities or something. You have every right to your feelings and opinions, every single right.


If you need someone to talk with you more, I'm here. I'll help you the best I can.

[Brigand]

It's almost impossible to get an apology from people like that. Even if he'll apologize it will probably be completely dishonest and sarcastic. People like that guy are called assholes and most of the society hates them.  They're in every community and will give crap to other people no matter who they are.

Nobody really knows your future and capabilities, so saying that you have no chance to succeed is nothing more but a blind belittling. I think that finding a group that fits you and accepts you is only a matter of time. It can take years, but it will happen sooner or later. I highly encourage you to search for people like that, be it on the internet or in real life, but don't try to desperately fit in. You won't be really honest with yourself nor truly happy. Give it some time, even if you already gave it like 10 years.

It clearly bothers you so you have all the right in this world to talk about it. Don't listen to people who say that you must be a starving, homeless war veteran with missing legs to have the right to complain. Venting can be helpful.

[asterisk]

Or if you have friends that are offline, talk about it with them. Sometimes it's all about getting stuff off your chest.

I don't have IRL friends but I desperately need them. =\ And even when I did, they didn't wanna even hear me talk. Online interaction isn't working for me anymore but I'm not capable of having IRL friends, nobody is willing to hang out with me.

For something offline, I'd start checking the paper/social media for parties or events. Facebook has an events feature that will show you all events in your local area, and I've personally benefitted from this myself. That would be a great way to latch onto a group in real life. Sports, after-school clubs, memberships to places can also help form bonds with a group of people. Honestly, there are abundant choices when it comes to friends, just find your calling and go. You'll do great.

And as for the oppression thing, screw them. Honestly. Anyone can be lonely or sad, not just minorities or something. You have every right to your feelings and opinions, every single right.

I live in a very rural redneck area. I tried looking for local events and stuff. There was nothing. =( But I can try again.

And yeah it's like normal people can't complain lol.

Nobody really knows your future and capabilities, so saying that you have no chance to succeed is nothing more but a blind belittling. I think that finding a group that fits you and accepts you is only a matter of time. It can take years, but it will happen sooner or later. I highly encourage you to search for people like that, be it on the internet or in real life, but don't try to desperately fit in. You won't be really honest with yourself nor truly happy. Give it some time, even if you already gave it like 10 years.

It clearly bothers you so you have all the right in this world to talk about it. Don't listen to people who say that you must be a starving, homeless war veteran with missing legs to have the right to complain. Venting can be helpful.

A lot of people tell me I need to change and try to fit in (though that never worked for me). I'm just wondering how long I'll have to wait before things get better for me.


I just wanna reiterate that what bothers me the most is that the guy in my post is very successful in lots of areas- lots of talents, lots of watchers, friends, he is physically attractive. I'm almost crying because God favored him and not me.

[Athlaros]

I don't think that God favored him anymore than he favored you. You're just as capable and attractive as him, you're just a better person inside then he is.


I'd try again. The only true failure comes from when you stop trying.

[asterisk]

I don't think that God favored him anymore than he favored you. You're just as capable and attractive as him, you're just a better person inside then he is.


I'd try again. The only true failure comes from when you stop trying.

It just sucks that the whole fandom sides with him and hates me.

[Athlaros]

I promise no one here hates you. And if they do, they can deal with me. His posse might be as sheep-like as him, but that doesn't mean that everyone is. It does suck that people would hate you for no reason, but they don't understand and as close-minded as that 'popufur'.

[VoodooMax]

Sorry to hear that but an apology isn't something you should try to pursue, don't get me wrong though because you do deserve an apology but jerks like that will just fight with you. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do, you can try to spread the word on how disrespectful he was but that might result in more problems.