(sorry for the depressing stuff, but it's for a reason, bear with me. It will be worth it!)
Laying in my cubicle, wishing things were different, that I had been with my pack when the boarding groups were established, or even that I could have at least seen them off to know they were okay. Not being able to say what I am feeling bites.
Again I think, If only I hadn't been out on that vision quest when the wranglers came through for the departure groups... My fault, I was supposed to protect them, to be there for them, and I failed.
Then there is the loss of my abilities... Granted I haven't had to try to heal anyone, but I can't 'feel' my connection, my source. I worked hard for years to learn everything I could, for what. It doesn't matter anymore.
I fall into a fitful sleep, battered with dreams of the things left behind, our den, my private meditation area and all my supplies and tools, the cubs space, and then my mates grave there outside my meditation area window.... I was gone then too... failed. I always thought we'd lay together forever when my time came.... failed.
I slept, I don't now how long, a few minutes or a lifetime... Time is so vague here, but as I open my eyes begrudgingly I wonder if the whole departure was a dream as I'm back in my den, everything is as I remember it, I go through the den nosing things, remembering why they are there. I pad into my meditation space, it is as I remember also.... I turn to the window and there, lit by the slant of the Spring sun, is my Mate's final bed. The flowers just beginning to bloom around the memorial stone. The only thing missing is my pack. I struggle to wake from this dream, trying to force the dream to stop but it is real.
They told us as we boarded the cubicles could be arranged any way we desired, I assumed they meant the furniture, not the whole appearance. While I slept the bots must have read my thoughts, my need for my space, and configured it. I'm home, at least somewhat. The emotions come strong again, especially with this mornings hunt still fresh in my thoughts. It's all too much, I finally break and let the pain, the loss, and the failure out.
Not sure how sound proof the walls here are and I really don't care if others hear me right now, but the echo of my howls reverberates through the den with an empty echo. I call my pack until I'm hoarse, and even then keep calling until I am exhausted, falling again into the deep sleep and the dream world.
My Mate comes to me, She understands.... I'm the Healer, the Shaman, The Alpha. I did what had to be done for the pack, and for the others I've helped over the years. She forgives me... She tells me my pack is together and safe, that my Beta, my son, was well trained and ready to lead. She tells me it is time for me to forgive myself, to find my new purpose, my new pack, to heal those hurt around me. As she fades from my dream she looks back, her last words I'll remember forever:
"It is time, my love."
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Topic: Lazy Space Life RP (Read 12148 times)