I wish I could be better.

[liem14]

For years I've struggled with trying to be a good person. Over and over, though, I lapse back into an evil sociopathic monster. I go to such extremes I sometimes wonder if I'm crazy. 

Does anyone else feel this way? If so, how do you cope? 

[Brisky]

Sometimes I feel like it.

My brother is narcissistic asshole, and I often treat him as an example of how not to behave around / treat people, but annoying myself with his presence and shenanigans so much kinda distracted me from things and I, quite ironically, noticed I'm almost starting to become like him.

The thing with it is that if you focus too much on what you don't want to be, it can make you entirely tunnelvisioned on those properties, and if you put some thought into it it kinda starts making sense, cause if you spend all your attention on not wanting to be X or Y, you'll ironically end up being exactly that, because you'll have robbed your own mind of any alternatives.

What's helped me a lot, and I suppose wouldn't be a bad idea for you to try is, instead of focussing on what you don't want to be, try to spend more thought on what you do want to be. On how you want to be for people to make yourself a better person.

Because if you have a idea of how you want to be to make yourself a good person, you can start acting on that and thereby pull yourself away from being that bad person you don't want to be.

I hope that makes sense.

[liem14]

Thanks for the insight. I'll try that tactic and let you know if anything changes.