I've started a comic

[Xleena]

First two will be explained in the story. The next chapter youll see why the crazy katana girl appeared, but the powers gaining you might have to hold off from knowing for a bit!

Sapphire made her outfit herself, because she oves dressing up (she got the fish net under-dress from a lolita/goth shop and I think Amethyst got hers off ebay; she typed in 'stupid nightclub outfits' (she has no tolerance for Sapphire's requirements!).

Is that okay?

Also in this chapter i'm doing, Ao's and Josaline's work and reasons for being there will be told too

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

It's not stuff like that that's confusing. It's things like, what company is this? what do they do? what is their interest in terrorist actions? I dont know their relation to any governmental organisation. why were they tracking a strip club owner? why does such a high ranking member as Amethyst not know about such massive details about the case she's on? Why are they dressed like that when they just walk up to the owner who instantly knows that they're from that organisation? I thought they were supposed to be undercover.
I dont know why some strip club owner has the money or influence to be anywhere near capable to fund a nuclear terrorist threat. If she actually isnt the funding party and it's all a trick, what makes the real culprit think that some random strip club owner would be a sensible choice to pin this on?


What is the history of Ao or Josaline, what's ao's rank? what has josaline been doing before joining this non-descript company? If Ao knew working there was so dangerous, why is Josaline going too? What's her job, are all the employees agents? how is this organisation set up? what's the heirarchy?

There just doesnt seem to be a structure behind the words.

[Xleena]

Admittedly at the moment I can't help but take that with a sting, it makes me feel like i'm doing nothing right.

In this chapter, and others; the company will be explained, allow me some time (but hey, I shouldn't be saying this right?)

   If you noticed on the first chapter, he has his rank band on (they tend to be lazy with their rank bands, and only really wear them if they're going into the building to show their status to the receptionist and to log them in, or if they're aware a rank III or over is coming to visit.
   The ranks go like this:
Rank I 3rd, Rank I 2nd, Rank I *
Rank II 2nd, Rank II*
Rank III 2nd, Rank III*
Rank IV
...maybe others.
   Ao is a Rank I 2nd and Josaline is a Rank I 3rd; they're not considered agents as such until they're 2nd rank, but I cant say more than that unless you'd prefer me to tell you the entire story before i've drawn it.

   Same goes with the whole night club thing, the majority of it will be explained in the next chapter, the undercover was to not gain any suspicion from the crowd in the nightclub, or the dancers (the organisation is not well known for its terrorist policing, or anything of that calibre.)
   Viper knows them on viewing because she's been visited by the corp's rank III officers, and as she practically owns over half the city in one way or another, she's bound to have heard rumours of the IV ranks. I'll explain this in more detail in the story also; but like I said I can't go on about it or I might as well give up the whole plot.

Thanks for pointing it out anyway Asia,

I've decided to take a break for a week or two, and reconsider if I have the time or passion to do this anymore.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

sorry for pointing out these things, since all i was saying was all negative. I do think you have the right head for writing and the mistakes you make are mistakes I've seen a million times before and that I've done plenty of times. Even professionals do these types of things (look at plenty of CSI episodes, or particularly Merlin.) I think you just need to make things more concrete in your own head. You've got all these big ideas, but everything around it is very loose. Think about what these people do in their spare time, think about all the different employees this company would employ, including the cleaners, think about whether these people like cheese. You focus so much on dynamic personalities and high drama, that everything else kinda blurs out in the background. I just think things need to be more solid.

Plus, this is just my opinion, Tweak obviously doesnt see these problems, and as is with almost all stories, 80% of people will find a problem with it. If everyone stopped writing because one random person saw some problems then there would never be any stories written. It's hard to deal with that much criticism but that's just the way it is. You gotta trust that you're imagination is good enough. Personally I've always enjoyed the ideas you've had.

[Tweak]

Urgh.

Who wants to know the answer to everything right at the start? These questions and the fact we don't know as much makes me want to read it so much more. I have limited time and won't read anything regularly unless I find it entertaining and it catches hold of me, Troubled Eyes has done this, not much does.

The questions which arise from it makes it so you have to continue reading, the story is perfectly concrete in her mind, I've discussed it with her and everything that is happening through the comic, every single question Xleena has planned out to make it that way, this isn't a flimsy amateur story.

The issue with all the criticism is the constant bombarding with it, yes, nobody is perfect and a hole can be picked in anything but you needn't state every issue you have with it, it's not a professional release, it's done for fun. People just need to think when they criticise, sometimes it isn't want to be heard constantly, belittling every little issue is undermining and for those of us who get very little recognition for our hard work find it very difficult to find the point.

Personally, Xleena, if you stop working on it, I will have no choice but to come visit you and poke you until you carry on. Keep it up, even with problems, over time they will clear up anyway.

[WingedZephyr]

The issue with all the criticism is the constant bombarding with it, yes, nobody is perfect and a hole can be picked in anything but you needn't state every issue you have with it, it's not a professional release, it's done for fun. People just need to think when they criticise, sometimes it isn't want to be heard constantly, belittling every little issue is undermining and for those of us who get very little recognition for our hard work find it very difficult to find the point.

^ This.


There will always be room for improvement in anything anyone does, and it's not bad to give suggestions now and then about how to improve, but give her a break.

Don't give up on your story, Xleena. I still look forward to seeing the new pages.

[Xleena]

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN....!

Guess whos back!

UPDATE!!!
What Josaline and Ao do is a bit more explained in this chapter I do believe! (Well I was gonna do that anyways, but I thought of a few more ideas whilst on my break!)

Us artists always need a refresh ey? xxx

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

Yay, I do enjoy your comic

[Tweak]

The update mentioned above has now been uploaded, unfortunately Xleena has not been able to get it to me before now. Enjoy!

[WingedZephyr]

Moar updates!

*pokes Xleena*

[Xleena]

Nyaaah! I'll try; the past months been a bit hectic for me! xxx