H'okay, this is indeed from a rp that is still running, started by Spike... i was given permission to use the ideas and characters while doing the start to a short story for my GCSE in english....
I am however thinking of continuing this story.... this is my first attempt ever at continuing beyond a short story or rolpeplay style posts....
i have two chapters already finished.... so im gonna post the first chapter first, and any and all critiscisms will be much appreciated!
((the blurb style thing first, this one done rather quickly, so a lot of critiscms are wanted to help sort it out
))
1946 New York:
For the city; every citizen, every dock worker, every gang member. Time is running out. Peace talks are failing, the commission is crumbling.
The three largest families have held a pact, an agreement that none should break, the commission is all that keeps together the rapidly booming New York. However, no agreement can hold forever.
Mr. Gambino, an officer in the Lombardi family finds himself in the position of having destroying the work of hundreds of men and women with a single bullet.
The heart of a city is its docks, and this is very much the case with New York... The family by the name of the Romano’s control the income of huge steamers and cargo ships. However, when a murder directly affecting the Don of the family is discovered, the Romano’s decide drastic measures are required.
In a grim setting such as this, even New York’s finest are not beyond the influence of the families; The Marino’s have the contacts to get an insight into the newest murder, the perpetrator, the weapon, the consequences... this time it won’t be covered up.
Lombardi - Own and control the disposal of waste in New York. They run Brooklyn and like the other families, extort store owners for protection money, illegal gambling rings, contract killings and drug trafficking.
Marino - Own Little Italy and have numerous members inside law enforcement and also carry out the extortion of store owners for protection money and contract killings.
Romano - Control New Jersey and have ties in the business of money laundering. They work the harbours and are associated with pier thefts, human cargo, and illegal importing.
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THE COMMISSION
Chapter 1~ 1946 New York City ~ Little Italy, outside the corner bakery:The silence was broken by the sound of a pistol cocking. Alfredo and the stranger froze. Mr. Gambino stood behind them in the dark, holding his gun to the back of the stranger’s head.
"I'm right here."
He pulled the trigger.
The gunshot echoed between the tall buildings and the flash from the muzzle lit up Alfredo’s face, as it was sprayed with crimson blood. The large body of the stranger crumpled to the floor.
"You okay Alfredo?" Gambino asked. His accomplice stood frozen.
"Yes."
"Good. Help me get the body into my car."
Mr. Gambino:Gambino was an officer in the Lombardi family, tall and dark haired. He was as inconspicuous as they came, wearing a pinstripe suit. This was offset with a white neckerchief and the slight bulge in his jacket suggested the constant presence of his slim pistol, a testimony to his line of work in of one of New York’s organised crime groups.
He had spent the day down beside the docks. The piers were Romano territory; however he hadn’t expected the large, dark suited stranger to pursue him all the way back into Little Italy. The city was swathed in darkness as he stopped the Ford in front of Alfredo’s bakery.
The stranger slid his dark Mercedes in-between two parked cars. No more than ten metres down the road, Mr. Gambino had sat in the idling car, waiting for the other to show his hand. Grinding a cigar between his teeth the tension mounted as the stranger made no move to approach. Gambino opened the car door and casually flicked the cigar onto the sidewalk, before approaching the front door of the bakery.
Alfredo:“We’re a' closed! Can’t you see the sign? Come back a’ tomorrow....”
The small Italian baker stopped midsentence as he saw who was persistently knocking on his shop door.
“Mr. Gambino, why I had a’ no idea you were going to be calling in at such a’ late time.”
Closing the door behind his visitor Alfredo looked into his companion’s eyes.
“I feel something is a’ wrong?”
Gambino leant against a large rack of loaves of bread; the smell that normally would have enticed his nose was ignored as he hastily lit up another cigar from his inner jacket pocket.
“I’m being followed old friend. Large guy; Black Mercedes?”
Alfredo peered through the shop window down the street where the still idling car of the stranger sat in the heavy night smog.
“I see it Mr. Gambino”
Mr. Gambino:Gambino opened and then closed the small side door of the bakery, stepping slowly down the dark, high walled alleyway. He stopped when he had reached the entrance to the street; Alfredo was closing the shop door with a large set of jangling keys. The stranger acted with the speed and ferocity of a lion.
“YOU THERE!”
Slamming the door of his sleek car the stranger leapt into action. In the matter of a heartbeat he had grabbed Alfredo by his messy apron and turned him face to face.
“Where is that man?”
Gambino walked silently down the sidewalk towards the pair. Alfredo was putting on the act of a beleaguered baker, just as they had agreed.
“Really, I have no idea who you are a’ talking about...”
Gambino was right behind the pair, close enough to reach out and tap the stranger on the shoulder. The long barrelled pistol made no noise as it slid from his inner jacket pocket.
“Where is that man? The one who entered your bakery!”
The flash of cold steel cut through the low smog, and Gambino could see the expression of shock on Alfredo’s face as the stranger held the long blade to the baker’s throat.
The silence was broken by the sound of a pistol cocking. Alfredo and the stranger froze. Mr. Gambino stood behind them in the dark, holding his gun to the back of the stranger’s head.
"I'm right here."